“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” – Paulo Coelho
A short and simple word “No” but not the most easy to say. Most of us struggle to say no, be it because of the fear of facing rejection, scared to hurt someone’s feelings or fear of reflecting one’s personality in a bad light.
Besides being helpful, signing up for things and going out of the way to help others is just an easy way to gain acceptance, recognition and to instill a sense of belongingness. Ask yourself why is it so important for you to please everyone?
I’m definitely not going to give my example as I’m one of those who themselves struggle to say No. I sometimes commit too much, say yes to meetups when I know I would struggle to show up and stretch myself to meet impractical deadlines. Being a wishful utopian planner I am, I sometimes make myself to believe that 24 hours in a day are never ending.
I’m sure I’m not alone here. Many of us find ourselves in situations and ruts like these. As much as we want to say a plain No and keep our life easy and simple, the generous and kind zone of our brains offers a much anticipated Yes and that’s it then 🙂
Let’s discuss how to curb this habit from developing before we get too much on our plate:
1. Saying No doesn’t equate to a bad person. Let go of the guilt and anxiety.
2. Keep the ‘No’ kind and courteous. Assess the damage it will do but still keep in mind your boundaries and personal space.
3. People pleasing or saying Yes all the time will make others not respect your time, energy and efforts. It will result in you being taken for granted.
4. Give your reasons and let the other person know about your constraints. You may not prefer to divulge deep too, depending on the kind of relationship you are sharing. Keep it brief.
5. Provide an alternative or Plan B, only if you want to.
6. Practice to say ‘No’ in your free time. Mirror is a great co-star 🙂
BENEFITS
1. Your mind will be less cluttered and you will be more focused and productive. Work within your priorities.
2. You will maintain good relationships and healthy boundaries. Let go of the thought that you will lose friends if you say No. Let your friends know you would if you could. Setting boundaries leads to mutual respect.
3. Saying No will create confidence. Keeping yourself in the priority line and taking a stand for yourself is empowering.
4. You will find more time to do other things. Just think that you are saying yes to the other important things in your life.
In the beginning saying No might sound brutal or harsh but saying Yes to everything is not going to make up for that. Saying No is a positive tool for your mental health and well being. Saying No requires tact and a mix of practice and gentle reminders will keep you on track. You just have to learn to put yourself first. Saving time out for yourself and doing the things you love is of utmost importance and remain unapologetic about it. Always remember that honouring yourself is the most valuable thing and saying No is a practical life skill.
Do you find it hard to say No? Would love to know about your experiences 🙂
Very powerful tool.. hard to practice though! I most like the idea to get rid of guilt as this is the root cause ..
Very well written.I need to practice No sometimes.